Monday, April 5, 2010

Misgivings? Ambivalence? It's Kind of Hard to Say!

It's weird for me, because this was never a particular dream of mine, you know? It's not like it's a shock, it's not like I'm necessarily surprised or elated or even anything really. I never had a pre-set, pre-primed emotional response ready to deal with suddenly being in this situation. I mean, of course I'm happy! I guess I'm happy, it's certainly a blessing in so many ways! It's a beautiful thing, a natural thing.

So I would never say I'm taken aback, or upset by it. It's just that I had no preparation for it - not mentally. I was never dead-set for, against, or indifferent. But if you told me last year that a year from now I'd be right smack in the middle of not being about to have a kid, I'd have said well hey bud, how can you be so sure? Can you see into the future, are you psychic? Are you a prophet of God, and do speak with His authority? Or are you some sort of hypothetical creation of my future year-from-now self, telling me this now so that future me can make some point about his mental state upon receiving that kind of news?

I bet that'd shut you up - me saying that! Because I hate to break it to you, but it's not too polite to go around telling people what they're going to be doing a year from now, in these really delicate, personal areas. Maybe what if I told you that a year from now, you'd learn to mind your business, how would that news be received? Perhaps too subtle a point for a big prognosticator like you!

Anyway, I'll just say that I don't particularly appreciate having some dude lay out my future for me. There's a little thing called Free Will, that kind of sticks in my craw about that.

So anyway, like I'm saying, as you can see I was hit pretty much completely unprepared. But I hope I'm dealing about as well as most people, who find themselves in this same situation.


  1. Dude, not having a baby is hard. There's so much to do. Party's to attend, vacations to take, creativity to express. How the hell would you get that done unless you were about to not have a baby? Phew, huh!

  2. Not having a baby totally changes your priorities. You don't know what it's like, and you have no idea how to imagine what it's like unless you've gone through it.

    Man, my eyes: OPENED.

  3. (of course, I know you're right there with me Veg-asassa!)