Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Me And You And Baby Makes Two!

That's because 1+1+0 = 2.

So anyway, a big announcement! But first a bit of background. A day or two ago I decided to take on a big undertaking: I decided to start a Baby Blog. Seems like everybody and their mother is coming out with a Baby Blog, and I, perhaps giddily, perhaps ill-advisedly, decided to leap into that breach as well. In the same way as so many others start a Baby Blog to document the fun and the excitement and anticipation of having a baby, I wanted to do the same thing, albeit, modified by the circumstance that I'm not in the process of having a baby. Still, I wanted to document that process. The travails, the hardships, the joys and anticipations all wrapped up in the whole journey of not being about to have a kid. That's a big deal, and a big responsibility in itself!

But I have to admit it now: Boy, I did not know what I was getting into! There's an incredibly big responsibility involved in having a Baby Blog, and I guess all I really saw was the fun and excitement. I think the same could be said for a lot of people. They just jump right into it, without a lot of forethought into the consequences and responsibilities involved.

Well, thank God I had a helping angel waiting in the wings. I'm pleased and proud to announce that The Vegetable Assassin has come on board, to help with the rather overwhelming task, the big commitment, of having a Baby Blog. Thanks for the assist, VA! I've found it can be extremely hard, especially in today's economy, for one person to shoulder all the responsibilities involved in not having a baby, all by himself.

Together though, I think we've got this whole thing licked!!

Not My Sperm!

Standing Up For the Truth

What's the deal, big guy?  I see your baby there, squalling in its stroller.

What's that?  Cute you say?  Not the word I'd use.  Where you see an adorable, little, pink bundle made of rainbows and the breath of unicorns and colored by a flush of pride and wonder because you made that from your own sticky fluids, I see this:

Because let's face it, all babies look sort of like moonshine-soaked, inbred mountain dwellers in a horror movie until they're at least 2 years old.  And your baby?  No exception.  Sorry.  In fact, have you ever seen a turtle without its shell?  

Yep.  Your baby.

But it's okay.  It's not just your baby.  It's all babies.  It'd even be my baby if I had a baby.  They're all tiny, fat, bald mutants with no teeth or social skills, so ask me again if I think he's cute, when he reaches his fifth birthday and doesn't nod his giant bobble-head like David Hasselhoff at an open bar and I'll be happy to re-evaluate.

Monday, March 29, 2010

The Ultrasound: Aw, Would You Look At That!

Not My Baby!
That's not my baby.

I was positively not involved.