Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Standing Up For the Truth

What's the deal, big guy?  I see your baby there, squalling in its stroller.

What's that?  Cute you say?  Not the word I'd use.  Where you see an adorable, little, pink bundle made of rainbows and the breath of unicorns and colored by a flush of pride and wonder because you made that from your own sticky fluids, I see this:

Because let's face it, all babies look sort of like moonshine-soaked, inbred mountain dwellers in a horror movie until they're at least 2 years old.  And your baby?  No exception.  Sorry.  In fact, have you ever seen a turtle without its shell?  

Yep.  Your baby.

But it's okay.  It's not just your baby.  It's all babies.  It'd even be my baby if I had a baby.  They're all tiny, fat, bald mutants with no teeth or social skills, so ask me again if I think he's cute, when he reaches his fifth birthday and doesn't nod his giant bobble-head like David Hasselhoff at an open bar and I'll be happy to re-evaluate.

1 comment:

  1. I can see this is going to be a goo-cop, bwah-cop situation! :-D

    An issue this important needs some balance.